Greif Pays a Visit

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These last few weeks have been tender ones for my family. We lost one of our family dogs, our most precious Jewel.

She’s been a joyful part of our family for ten years; the life of any party, a true beacon of light, cheerful and excited to meet each and every day. I wish I could be more like her.

Her absence has not only left an empty space in all our hearts, but for me, I found unexpected side effects as well.

I lost all motivation. I lost my energy. I felt uncertain and anxious. And I would burst into tears at any time for no particular reason.

It was as if my loss cracked open a deeper, buried box of grief from my past; parts of my divorce, my father’s passing, losing my house years ago. Much of this I worked through at the time, but there were deep, stubborn parts that I packed away, needing my focus in the present tense to care for my family, thinking that one day, when I had a peaceful place and the space to open the suitcase, I would.

Well, I didn’t plan this particular time to open the suitcase of past grief. But here it was, broken open. And though it caught me by surprise, intuitively I felt this was one of those defining moments where how I chose to treat myself would have long lasting effects; not only for me, but for my kids.

In truth, I am better prepared to handle this grief, with honor, with patience, with love and forgiveness, than I was years ago. And I’m more practiced at surrender, at allowing.

So here I go, practicing allowing. Some days I do better than others. Some days I feel more hopeful than others. Some days I think I’m feeling that this is opening me to a greater potential to sit in confidence with my children, my friends, my clients. And I’m grateful for that.

It isn’t easy, I don’t much care for it, but being with Grief, my grief, is not the end of my world either, rather a beginning.

What’s showing up in your life right now, that you can see as an invitation to open you to a deeper you? Sometimes it is the seemingly hard, harsh, frustrating, sad or disappointing situations that do catalyze our reinvention. What could you accept or surrender to, without just giving up, and still move into action in the direction of what you do truly want for your life?

I would so very much like to hear your stories. And if there is someone here who is experiencing grief or discomfort, know that you are not alone.

Your Fellow Traveler,

Deborah

Tags: allowing, grief, pets