Fatherless Sons and Daughters
In the 60′s almost 90% of families included a father in the home. Today, that number has decreased to closer to 40%. And of those families with no father in the home, at least 1/3 never have any contact with their father at all.
Studies have been done on the relationship between families with both parents in the home and life success as related to education, income, and need for social services.
But what is seldom addressed, mostly because it’s so hard to define, is differences between emotional well being in those raised with both parents versus those raised with an absent parent.
You Don’t Need a Study to Tell You
But you don’t need a study to tell you about yourself of your life. We all have a story about what life was like growing up. And we all have a story about what that has meant to us, how it has shaped who we are.
I lost my mother to cancer when I was 16. My children have not heard from their father for close to 7 years. Is this a good or a bad thing?
Giving Yourself Space For What Is
It’s not about good or bad. I think it’s about setting aside a space to allow what is, what feelings are there anyway, to rise and flow through.
This is a way we can truly honor the life our parents gave us and find some peace for ourselves, no matter if we’ve had a great family life growing up, a messed up family life growing up, or experienced a complete absence of our father or mother.
Yes, Get Support
You don’t have to do it alone, get some help. There are so many gifted healers, counselors, coaches, ministers, and energy workers who can help support you so you feel safe as you process any pain, shame, guilt, anger or mixed up feelings about a parent. Many are qualified to help you learn how to reparent yourself so that you may experience a loving, caring, accepting parental voice inside yourself.
Choose wisely, but get support on your journey.
A Few Ideas For This Weekend
Be gentle with yourself. What we experienced in childhood can feel like a giant basket of tangled yarns. It can take awhile to sort, detangle and reorganize.
Journaling, meditation, and sharing with a close and trustworthy friend are all good basics to help ease unresolved feelings that might arise this weekend.
Here are a few more ideas:
Take things slowly, feel your way through your activities and watch your expectations and self-talk. Events that involve family can ignite inner voices from the past. Holding your safety and comfort as #1 priority can really help.
Find an easy, artistic pursuit such as collage, or doodling that you might enjoy but not take too seriously. With the mind soft and the hands active, often something that is going on “underneath” can flow through and out more easily.
Get outdoors and breathe deeply. Enjoy nature, walk, stretch. Taking care of your body will help give you the foundation to process emotions.
Stay hydrated! As you process emotions, your entire body is changing. Giving it plenty of water to do it’s healing work, will make everything work more easily.
Finally, be nice to yourself. I don’t say this lightly. I honestly know how challenging this one can be. Just try. In this instance, trying does indeed count…for a lot.
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