Christmas Carol Hits Home

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This year my daughter sat me down to have a very pointed “heart-to-heart” regarding the holidays. Quite sincerely she shared a loneliness and sadness she was feeling about this supposed-to-be-oh-so-joyful-time-of-year. She had been feeling she was the only one looking forward to, and participating in, the festivities for the holidays.

She was hesitant to say anything; she knows I’m juggling the roles of mother, father, teacher, housekeeper and zookeeper. The holidays add another component on top of a full plate, and the voice of Ebenezer Scrooge becomes my holiday companion; work, work, work.

But her courage to be open and share what she was experiencing was the best gift I’ve received this season, because it woke me up.

During some quiet time this last weekend, I bravely settled in for some introspection. What surfaced was painful, memories from my own holidays. Something flipped for me when I turned 13, my mother was diagnosed with Cancer and our family holidays became about proving things were OK and that we were happy, as opposed to actually feeling that emotion.

My children are at that age now, where they are no longer dazzled by the motions; pretty wrapping and lights. They want the real deal, the feeling and connections beneath the trappings.

My pain, year after year, has been there beneath the heavy blanket of my resistance to fully engage with this time of year. My own self coaching has taught me that transformation happens more easily for me if I engage with others, make it into a project I can work on with someone else.

So I went back to my son and daughter, explained briefly what I had discovered and asked them if they would be willing to support me in experimenting with engaging more experimentally, relearning my way around the holidays.

On the outside, it doesn’t look that much different. We still put up lights, we’ve made cookies. But the experience is different, have no doubt. I can feel the hesitation, the temptation to pull back and dull the activities of the season out of habit. And I can feel the desire and the commitment to learn how to be truly present and within the actual moments of this time of year. Front and center!

Deborah

P.S. Everything I’m learning for myself, is simply challenging me to further hone my upcoming Getting To YES, Now! course. Early bird ends January 2, 2011.

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