Forget The Golden Rule. The Platinum Rule Covers It All.

The Platinum Rule: Discover the Four Basic Business Personalities and How They Can Lead You to Success

By Tony Alessandra

I’ve come to take issue with the Golden Rule of late. I mean I’m not sure I would want someone to do unto me as they would do to themselves!

Now, doing unto someone as they would want done to them. That’s a whole different ball game.

Tony Alessandra gives us an extra bonus, applying the Platinum Rule to business and using 4 different models to illustrate how differently we act and desire to be acted upon. It’s eye-opening, I assure you.

And I appreciate it, because it’s the way I coach others, in the manner they want to be supported, not the way I would want to be supported necessarily. But in a way that works best for them and their situation.

You Think You Use Your Mind?

Thinking Clearly: An Adventure in Mental Fitness

Jerry Stocking

Jerry Stocking is one of my favorite teachers. He has such a different energy and insights, all in the direction of helping people release themselves from illusion and learn how to be deeply intimate with themselves and others.

This book is a brilliant introduction to how the mind actually works, and it’s probably not the way you might think. I especially like his explanation of “grounded” vs. “ungrounded” assessments as an alternative to “truth” or “reality”.

Advanced Communication Skills

The Power of Ethical Persuasion: Winning Through Understanding at Work and at Home

Tom Rusk MD

Want to be a pro at communication. This is the one book to study then.

This book in my life coincided with the end of my marriage and the beginning of a new set of skills when it came to constructive communication. Up to that point, all the tools I’d learned, in books, seminars and workshops, had focused on processes that two people could use together.

But what if one person didn’t want to work together for a better understanding? What if one person had a different agenda; maybe winning, control, agreement?

This book put the power (and responsibility) back into my hands to make proactive changes in my life and negotiate those out.

This book takes Marshall Rosenberg’s work of Compassionate Communication and broadens, and intensifies it.

I went through quite a few communication books and this is the one that “saved me” when I couldn’t “save my marriage”.

If You Can Only Buy One Book

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Marshall B. Rosenberg

If you can only buy one book to help you in a practical way, with your relationships in life, this is the one. Marshall Rosenberg, in his audio workshop on Nonviolent Communication, admits to having regrets about choosing the name for his work. He said he really doesn’t a name that says what it isn’t.

I understand. And I understand why he did call his work “Nonviolent” communication. Think about it. So much of our communications spark upsetting feelings because the method of communication is inherently flawed.

Marshall teaches us how to speak to one another (and for those of you who fancy yourselves advanced students, I dare you to regale me with stories of how you used NVC on your own self talk) in a completely different way than anything we were raised with in our homes and institutions.

I’ve been a student of his work for 16 years (the age of my daughter) and I’ve only scratched the surface. I miss the mark many times. But it’s so worth the practice. And the payoff comes in peace, peace of mind, intimacy, and trust of myself and others.

Couple this work with Forgiveness work (see Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness) and the idea of making amends when you’ve made a mistake…and we truly could change our world in a heart beat.