I Wish I Could Afford Coaching

I’ve been hearing this, “I wish I could afford coaching”, recently from quite a few people with whom I’ve connected, here at year’s end.

I understand the sentiment; I coach myself daily and I consider regular one-on-one coaching for myself a necessary investment, both in time and money, for the health and wealth of my family, business, and personal expansion.

I also empathize with the budgetary concerns; if money is spent, it has to serve the “bottom line”, right?

Well, here’s my idea of the “good news” about coaching. Any coaching that is participated in, with commitment, intention and desire is going to have a constructive effect, and not in just one area, but all. That means that coaching for relationships will help your business. And business coaching is sure to help grow your inner being.

Coaching doesn’t have to be demanding or expensive. Coaching can take the form of something as small as a reminder to pause, and be clear before proceeding with an action, or as large and long as a year long, every-week-with-homework-type program. It can be private and independently pursued choosing from available resources, or it can be very involved with a teacher/mentor or group of like-intentioned individuals.

It’s really just our Inner Critic, the Ego Chatter Voice, that tends to belittle our smaller, baby-steps. Sometimes, it’s the smaller, bite-sized steps that can actually have the most impact, especially when each step is used like stepping stones, giving us the support we require as we proceed along our way.

So here are some quick ideas I have for you, if you’re feeling that you wish you could afford some coaching.

First, get in touch with what you wish coaching could “do for you”, why you wish you had some coaching, first thing that pops into your mind. Then look below and see if one of these ideas fits what you need:

I think you might agree that there is a lot of really good content out there, coaching tips, tricks, and information…and for free. Enhance that information by finding something that appeals to you, and as you read about it, imagine that the person who wrote about it in their blog was meeting with you alone and sharing that information. Make it real in your imagination.

Hear their voice, see them in your mind. If it’s a video you’re watching, imagine that they had “Skyped” you and you were watching them live. If it’s a recording, imagine you were listening to them on your phone. If you’re reading their information, imagine they wrote it just for you, a letter or e-mail perhaps. Imagine that you agreed to try what they suggested and check back in with them as to your results.

Try a fun experiment; write down something you’d like coaching around and then go about your day the way you would. Only, on this particular day, listen to what people say to you, watch for messages and clues, see if you don’t feel something different than usual, that you can interpret as a personal “coaching” message directly related to the topic you wanted guidance around. If you have an experience, you have some question about, write about it here and I’ll help you interpret the information.

Go to someone you know and trust and ask them what they would do if they were in a particular situation (the situation you want some guidance around). Don’t ask them what you should do. Ask them what they would do, or what they have done in the past. Make a note of anything that stands out, that appeals to you, that you might like to try. And if you really want to play, keep some notes about how that helped you later in that situation.

Find one of the blog posts or book posts here at Partnering With the Sacred, that you like and write about how that pertains to your life and ask any question you like. I’m happy to support you here on the site (and I’ll bet it will help others too, another benefit).

Finally, invest in yourself at what ever level you are able and comfortable. Take a free or introductory course, but really take it. Listen to the information as if it were a high level expert giving you golden information and apply that information. Or take a shorter or smaller class and again, apply it. Soon you’ll be taking larger, longer, and more involved classes easily, using the insight and information you gain at each step along the way, gaining ever-better results.

Happy New Year,

Deborah

P.S. I have a very special topic, specially-priced, class to kick off the New Year and help you affect your “bottom line” immediately. Check out Getting to YES, Now! Early-bird discount expires this weekend.

Holidays Dish Up a Huge Spoonful of Expectations

Every year I hear at least one report of how the holidays can be a lonely or stressful time for some people (maybe even most). I’ve seen this in my coaching practice, among friends and in my own life, especially as the roles of life shift from child to single, to couple, to parent, to empty nest, to retired.

Each place in life offers it’s unique gift and challenges. This seems to be heightened during the end of the year, the new year, and the holidays.

It strikes me that most, if not all of the stress, loneliness, and disappointment that is glossed over during the holidays can be traced back to our expectations, those pesky ideas, beliefs, and stories we carry, often somewhat hidden, that say “it should be this way”.

I’ve shared a bit here of my own expectations that I grew up with; that “everyone should be happy”. But I’ve heard of others:

“everything should be beautiful”
“everything has to be special”
“everything should be bigger and better”
“I have to make everyone happy”
“no one should feel left out”
“we have to follow the tradition”
“I have to find the perfect gift”

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting beauty, specialness, happiness, traditions, at this time of year.

But why do we want it? What is it we’re really wanting?

I’ve found that when I work, and fight, and fret over the “thing”; the lights, the meal, the gift, getting somewhere at a certain time, I feel stressed, unhappy, often even to the point of getting ill.

But when I take just a bit of time to determine what I’m really wanting; love, closeness, joy, maybe a bit of magic, then experiencing those qualities becomes a real possibility because I’m looking for how, in that moment or that situation I can experience that quality, not some “thing” that I hope will “give me” that quality.

Self-coaching can be about tackling smaller situations and bringing fresh awareness, curiosity, creativity to them, changing our experience from one of habit and obligation, to that which brings us more aliveness and warmth.

If you catch yourself feeling stressed, depressed, or disappointed during the holidays, try this and see if you can’t shift yourself to a better feeling place:

Ask yourself, what is it I really, really want right now?
What do I need right now, this moment?

Often, just these simple questions can help get you shifted toward thinking in the direction that can help you create what you want and need, because we’ve been conditioned to think about what’s wrong, and run those old expectations, rather then point our oh-so-powerful-brains in the direction of clarity about what we really want and how to create it for ourselves.

Want more support? I’ve started a Facebook Group page with more daily tips to help nourish and support. Plus I’ve begun a Be Your Own Coach Newsletter.

May your holidays nourish you,

Deborah

P.S. The early bird discount for the Getting To YES, Now! Course ends January 2, 2011. If you want more “yes” on the outside, I can help you up your inside “yes” game so you’re open to receiving.

Christmas Carol Hits Home

This year my daughter sat me down to have a very pointed “heart-to-heart” regarding the holidays. Quite sincerely she shared a loneliness and sadness she was feeling about this supposed-to-be-oh-so-joyful-time-of-year. She had been feeling she was the only one looking forward to, and participating in, the festivities for the holidays.

She was hesitant to say anything; she knows I’m juggling the roles of mother, father, teacher, housekeeper and zookeeper. The holidays add another component on top of a full plate, and the voice of Ebenezer Scrooge becomes my holiday companion; work, work, work.

But her courage to be open and share what she was experiencing was the best gift I’ve received this season, because it woke me up.

During some quiet time this last weekend, I bravely settled in for some introspection. What surfaced was painful, memories from my own holidays. Something flipped for me when I turned 13, my mother was diagnosed with Cancer and our family holidays became about proving things were OK and that we were happy, as opposed to actually feeling that emotion.

My children are at that age now, where they are no longer dazzled by the motions; pretty wrapping and lights. They want the real deal, the feeling and connections beneath the trappings.

My pain, year after year, has been there beneath the heavy blanket of my resistance to fully engage with this time of year. My own self coaching has taught me that transformation happens more easily for me if I engage with others, make it into a project I can work on with someone else.

So I went back to my son and daughter, explained briefly what I had discovered and asked them if they would be willing to support me in experimenting with engaging more experimentally, relearning my way around the holidays.

On the outside, it doesn’t look that much different. We still put up lights, we’ve made cookies. But the experience is different, have no doubt. I can feel the hesitation, the temptation to pull back and dull the activities of the season out of habit. And I can feel the desire and the commitment to learn how to be truly present and within the actual moments of this time of year. Front and center!

Deborah

P.S. Everything I’m learning for myself, is simply challenging me to further hone my upcoming Getting To YES, Now! course. Early bird ends January 2, 2011.

Chihuahua Reaches Enlightenment

My sweet little dog, China, part of our current herd, had an awakening last week, courtesy of the neighborhood pond and a slippery bridge.

Just as the iconic woman who’s bucket broke leaving a puddle that mirrored the image of the moon, evoking her enlightenment, China, the Chihuahua, leaped from the slippery bridge toward what looked like a lawn, but was actually a small pool of the much larger pond, covered in duckweed to meet, not solid ground, but a swim or sink situation.

She wasn’t harmed. I immediately kicked off shoes, ran around to where I could wade in, if necessary, and urged her to the side where I scooped her up.

She was wet. She was smelly. She had duckweed and pond goo everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. Yet after a warm and lengthy bath she ran around the house in what I can only describe as complete abandon and glee.

Was it the rush of survival? The overcoming of fear? The pride of conquering?

Who’s to say? But as I watched her prance and yip and grin, yes grin…I thought to myself, “has China had an awakening moment?”

I’m fond of saying that the most precious, ecstatic, challenging and triumphant moments can happen among the every day happenings of life. And I think my funny little dog, China, proved that again.

I like the analogy of the slippery bridge and the duckweed’s illusion of solid ground. And I like that China’s mistake, leaping for what she thought would ground her, was not her undoing at all, but led to a true victory!

So I’m throwing this question out, and considering it for myself as well. What is your “slippery bridge”? Is there something you find yourself mistaking for something else, throwing yourself in that direction? Or have you fallen into something and now you’re swimming like mad to get yourself out?

In case you are finding yourself in a slippery, or uncertain place in regard to your relationships with your potential clients, might I offer you check out my upcoming class, Getting To Yes, Now? Over 4 weeks, we’ll be exploring the idea, that each of us must find a “yes” inside to hear “yes” from others on the outside; and how to get to that “yes”, both inside and out.

China, the Chihuahua, made a splash, both literally and figuratively, and turned a frightening and stressful experience into joy and delight. I believe we can all do that, at any time.
So if you feel moved, come join me in January as we do just that; turn out experiences “in the pond” with our potential clients, into triumphs.

Have a great week as we head into the season of Celebration and Light.

Peace,

Deborah

The Intuitive Way, Penney Peirce, Part 5

I’ve become distracted reading the new Be Love Now, Ram Dass (with Rameshwar das).

Well, I say distracted, but it actually seems more synchronicity, or that’s how I think about it, as I continue reading. Because the book is about the presence, the in-the-moment, of soul love.

And Penney Peirce’s information comes from the point of view that taking time to synchronize the heart, the soul’s heart with the creature’s life and senses, is the very essence of discerning and utilizing Intuition.

I’m tempted to open our reading circle, next year, to this book by Ram Dass, thought I had imagined something more “practical”. But what is more practical, truly, that being connected to Love?

So we’ll see. Maybe I’ll do a reading circle “mash-up” (can you tell I’ve been watching Glee?) and mix something that on the outside doesn’t seem to go together yet have some fun seeing what could come of studying simultaneously, Be Love Now and something “practical” like Getting Things Done, by David Allen.

I think this could be an amazing way to ring in the new year, blending Intuition, Productivity and Love. Can it be done?

Thoughts?

Tags: The Intuitive Way - By Penney Peirce

Who’s Writing the Plot of Your Life?

December 4, 2010 by Deborah Ivanoff  
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My daughter (and her friends) just made it this last week to 50 thousand words in the Nanowrimo competition.

To celebrate, my daughter and I did all the things, and more, that she’d been putting off, in her final big push to make the November 30th midnight deadline. Which meant less sitting and more outdoor time together. Yesterday we were rewarded with a walk amid snowflakes the size of my palm.

We reminisced about the weekend, just one month ago, she and I spent, joyfully tossing around plot ideas, characters, how her novel’s world would operate, and the defining mission or message the book would follow.

That got me to thinking…when was the last time I took some time and energy, to brainstorm about something that would get me that excited, my own “plot”, my own world complete with universal meaning to my story?

If I were going to write a story for myself with the same care my daughter gave her novel this month, how would I go about writing my leading character, me?

What would be my values, my motivations, my quirky (but none-the-less endearing) personality qualities? What would move me? What would I live for?

Today I had a fine time doing our world’s version of this. Isabel Parlett, Soundbite Shaman, gave a heartfelt gift to her students this year. A 4-hour Annual Planning Accountability Day to set 2010 to rest and ring in 2011. Several of the exercises had the flavor of playing the same questions a novelist might entertain.

It wasn’t the same as writing a novel, but it did help me begin to gear up to writing my own story, not one of “default” for the coming year. So thanks Isabel for that opportunity. And I’d like to encourage my community to check in, see if you’d like to have more fun, more connection, more involvement with your own story in the coming year. And perhaps be on the lookout for resources of your own to “appear” to help you on that mission.

I’m going to play with the idea of myself as the leading lady in this coming year’s novel, one who is strong but sensitive, patient and kind, but determined and savvy. How about you? What’s your leading character like? I’d love to hear.

Tags: Self coaching

The Intuitive Way, Penney Peirce, Part 4

December 2, 2010 by Deborah Ivanoff  
Filed under Blog, Current Book Discussion, The Intuitive Way - By Penney Peirce

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In chapter 4 Penney covers a topic that is a favorite of mine to play with, and one that I get questions about on a regular basis; how do I handle emotional blocks?

Her side note:

“If something negative happens, it doesn’t mean you’re off purpose”

and

” “There is no such thing as a bad vibration”

resonates with my own beliefs about those times in life that I can make up a story that is helpful, or is not helpful.

She highlights a technique she calls “Dialoguing with a Subconscious Block” which reminds me of the tool I teach in the Be Your Own Coach program “Emotions as Guidance”.

Basically she is advocating giving an image and a voice to the subconscious block and then doing some dialoguing. I know this always helps me. And I’m wondering what you all think about this, if you’ve tried dialoguing with your feelings or blocks, even physical pain, and whether you’ve found it helpful?

Did you do it by journaling? Meditating? Guided meditation? Asking and answering a series of questions?

I’d love some thoughts and experiences from you. And I’d love to hear if this process helped you stay connected to your intuitive guidance and creativity too?

Penney talks about Resistance in this chapter too. Which is interesting to me because Resistance is my blog topic this week. You might want to check that out on the front page too. I love her attitude of changing negativity into insight. Good stuff.

Tags: The Intuitive Way - By Penney Peirce

Stop, Go, Stop, Go, Stop…Revealing the Secrets of Resistance

December 1, 2010 by Deborah Ivanoff  
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I was submitting my monthly homework for my year-long business program I’ve been taking with Mark Silver (Heart of Business, Opening The MoneyFlow) and having a good chuckle at myself.

Two weeks ago Mark presented some ideas about how to tame the e-mail inbox situation and I felt some real resistance to his suggestions rise “I’ve been doing e-mail the same old way, changing will take time”…yada yada yada).

But I’ve learned a thing or two about myself (just enough to know there’s plenty more to explore) and the bonafide opportunity presented when resistance, that argumentative, reluctant, critical-mind feeling, shows itself.

So, eyes open and awake, I practiced Mark’s suggestions as diligently as I could for two weeks and guess what? I really liked the results! I’ve even adopted his suggestions as my current strategy.

And there’s the gift in the feeling of resistance. For me, it was a signpost that this might be a place to take a scenic detour, that I might like what I would find, even though the mind game was “don’t change a thing”. And look, I did like it! What an opportunity.

See, I think Resistance gets a bad rap. I’ve found if I use that reluctant, “fold-my=arms” “I-don’t-wanna” thing as guidance, rather than impediment, I get all kinds of goodies; from an opportunity to try something new that might prove “better”, to a chance to forgive or heal something from my past, to clarity about what I really do want.

I’m feeling inspired to name Resistance as a new “best friend”, one who waves a big flag whenever the opportunity to change arises. There may be times I choose “no” but there may be many changes that lead me closer and closer to what I’m really wanting my life to be all about.

So stop, go, stop…go, go, go!

P.S. I have a class beginning in January 2011 to explore the reluctance to make cold calls and appointments. Want to know more? I’ll be announcing the class in one week.

Tags: Cold Calling, Marketing, Resistance, transformation